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Welcome Aboard!

--"Izzy, how did you start dancing?"

--"What got you into martial arts?"

--"What kind of dancer/martial artist/writer are you?

--"How do you deal with brain damage, bodily injury and 

     C-PTSD, yet still dance, write, train, live the way you do?"

--"How do you still find joy and beauty amidst pain and loss?"

--"Wow, you should write your memoirs!" 

    This Is My Story

NSFW, 18+

  • Writer's pictureBella Dancer


One of the most enjoyable posts I've ever made to Facebook. It made me remember who I am, why I do what I do, and why it is so important. It was one of the larger rocks that dislodged the avalanche into my decision to finally take the blogging plunge again after a dozen or so years of silence.


Oh, wow. Just WOW! Best dream ever! So this morning I dreamed I was trying to get ready for a show in the middle of having to pack up my entire world at Mach 10 after some snafu or other. The first part of the dream was all Tetrissing my car and a moving truck so that I could get everything in, while sorting out everything I needed to keep it in easy access for this multi-day event, which would occur on the way.

Naturally, it segued into the OMG OMG OMG search for the costume pieces I needed--one of my classic stress-dreams. My dancers started to arrive for the dress rehearsal, all in their makeup and their gorgeous mermaid-tone costumes. At first, they grinned, shook their heads like, "Ohhh, that's our Bizzy Dizzy Izzy," and sat down to chat. After a time, they realized this was not my normal hummin'bird thing. Something was genuinely wrong.

One of them had brought a little brother or a son and he was a 12-year-old wiz kid at crafts. He'd done half the headpieces for the gals, so he started glueing feathers and sparkles and hair pieces together to make a spectacular headdress for me while the dancers started helping me find what I needed. Then they swarmed around me like a flock of love, giving me feedback so I could finalize my solo sections in this new dance style I was creating.

Segue to the aftermath of the (successful, badass) show: More crazy circus--somehow I was still having to pack up my whole house along with everything from the event, and take it home to my new place. My house was (naturally) attached to the theater where we performed. Whatever. It's a dream. We'll just go with it.

Ensue another flurry of support and smiling "we-got-this" faces as everything was whisked and perfectly Tetrissed.

Here's the extra-cool thing: the dancers from the first part of the dream were my CO gals; the dancers from the second part were my AR/OK gals.

The last 5 years have been crazy, with this last one rivaling the Year of the Seizure in circus-monkeyville, if you can believe that. But this dream reiterates what I've said a thousand times...

I couldn't get through it without my SiStars.

I don't have any blood-siblings. Lucky me, I get to choose them! Along with my amazing parents, it's been my heart-sisters who have gotten me through two divorces, two car wrecks, and this last year's Tilt-O-Whirl. It's been my dance-sisters who have kept the flame alive through all this craziness with wanting to dance-what-I-wanna-dance-dammit, in a world that would really prefer that I authenticate, certify and label. It's my martial-sisters who make Inferno my second home.

Don't get me wrong. I adore and need my martial-brothers, buds, and male mentors like water. But there's something about Sisterhood...something it took me nearly 30 years on this planet to acquire in anything but a onesie here or there.

In the catty world of dance--let's be honest, in the catty world of females, that is RARE. In the world of martial arts, where the simple fact of numbers is down and the pressure to Measure Up to standards not originally designed for the feminine is elevated, I've found that sisterhood is even more rare. The mean-girl fangs in the locker room...the competitive claws backstage...

:D But these things almost don't exist in my world anymore because of the women who have come into my life. :D

They say that in dreams, all the primary characters are actually pieces of your own psyche. Well, my glowing SiStars, you represent a powerful archetype in the building blocks of my dreams, and in that which makes me ME.

You live in my heart, and you are BRILLIANCE.


--UP NEXT: BETTER THAN "SORRY"- Saying "Thank You" Instead



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