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  • Hartebeast

SLATHERED IN OIL: My Hot New Love Affair

Updated: 4 days ago


So I have some new girlfriends in my life. I'm not talking about the ones I'm about to immerse myself with for a week in Literal Paradise. Ahhhh...the mountains of Andalusia overlooking the Mediterranean...

No, I'm referring to the powerful ladies (and gentlemen) who will be traveling with me in my luggage and who currently reside on my kitchen counter.

So I've been detailing this Knee Incident for over a year, right? The first time I tore my meniscus, my massage therapist had insisted that Melissa oil would help it. Alas, since this oil is so darn expensive, it's not one that she uses. But ever since, others have suggested this, too.

Fast forward to the re-injury a few weeks ago. One of my students mentions this oil as well. She has become The Devil--I mean, my new craic dealer--I mean, the one who has been introducing me to just how deep the essential oil rabbit hole goes. Her preferred source is doTERRA, and guess what she just happened to order a week-and-a-half ago from her built-up points?

My hot new girlfriend.

Melissa.

Two Wednesdays ago, she brought her diabolical toybox to class for us all to sniff and test. Apparently, if you have a strong pleasant reaction to an oil, it is one you need; if you have a negative reaction, you need it but you're not quite ready for it. We passed bottles around. We oohed, we aaahed, there was some cringing at a few. Two of those scents are actually sitting on my counter as I write this, and one of them was--you guessed it.

So I smell this unknown bottle. My eyes go wide. All my hair stands up on end. I can't stop inhaling. I am suddenly, instantly high. I check out the label. No surprise there, after how many people have told me I need her.

Although I had very strong reactions to the Passion (Inspiration), the Whisper (Women's Blend), and the Arborvitae, none were quite as strong as Melissa. Bless my craic dealer, she sent me home with her bottle to try for a few days before dropping that much money on her.

See, I had "just happened" to find a wad of foreign currency in with my passport. I had forgotten that I saved it from my days of international travel a decade ago, because why bother constantly exchanging when you travel that much? Well, in that wad also "just happened" to be a forgotten stash of dollars--only a few dollars off from what my total order turned out to be. Apparently I need these oils in my life. So now they are here with me.

Melissa is worth every cent.

I mixed a drop with some coconut oil. I slathered my knee with it. I wiped the remnants on my neck and forehead. I did my afternoon meditation, immersed in the fumes, and took a nap. Two hours later - even more swelling was down and I could get out of bed on both feet. Huh... *Spock eyebrow* Fascinating.

The next day, I learned you can take this internally, too, and if you put it on the roof of your mouth it goes--not just into the bloodstream, not into the gut like if you take it in a capsule...nope.

Into the brain.

Remember that little experiment I'm doing?

Well, it took 6 days to be able to walk again. It took another week and a half to drive--a couple days after I started smearing myself with Melissa and shooting her into my skull. I also haven't needed to reboot my brains every afternoon as often as my usual Daily. So that weekend, I pulled the trigger and decided to accept my scholarship to Spain, even though I was still hobbling. I ordered a flippin' wheelchair because I'm not risking it in airports. (Overkill, but apparently carts don't run at my ridiculous hours, and they're not guaranteed anyway.)

After another week-and-a-half on this little miracle oil, I have been steadily--rapidly--dare I hint, miraculously?--healing.

Yesterday I got back my full, natural walking gait. Today, I was gifted with something very special: slow, careful hip infinities, in all directions!!! Yes, even the ones that require a bend in the knees!

I point fingers at my brilliant combo: Melissa, the Placebo, the preparatory meditations for the retreat, my sports medicine chiro, the exercises from my physical terroritsts, and whatever miraculous vibes have been pumped into me while PT-dancing on the floor to Desert Dwellers. I'm a fan of helping along all the *woo*, meeting it in the middle by racing toward it with my own intense actions and thereby speeding up the process to Ramming Speeeeeed! (Can't help myself. Old-school Ben Hur gal.)

So here is the little soap opera going on in my house after receiving my doTERRA order yesterday:

I open Whisper. She more than whispers sweet nothings to me. I MUST slather her on every energetic center from crown to groin. I stick my nose right up her and indulge in a lonnnnnnng, rapturous sniff. I whisper sweet nothings back to her.

Now, you might think that My Girlfriend is getting jealous as she watches this from her spot on The Counter of Healing Accoutremeaux. Nope. This is how it goes down in my kitchen...

WHISPER:

ME:

MY SMOKIN' HOT GIRLFRIEND MELISSA: Threesome, sweets?

WHISPER & ME:

from the other room

PASSION: Hey, girrrrrls...

COPAIBA:

ME:

It's Christmas in June and Santy brought me everything I ever wanted! Even a pickle on top!

MUAhahahaha... Welcome to mah life.

#essentialoils #doterra #healing #injury #recovery

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