I AM ANTI-NEO - A Poem About Falling
What the fuck am I doing?
I have no clue anymore
I especially don't know why
I pace this ledge
And its crumbling edge
That flirts with the open sky
It's all right there above me
My old, shiny world
Dancin' Queen
Prancin' Thing
Ferocious kitten full of rawr
That (fallen) fae poster child
Why.
You didn't actually want the answers to those questions
Did you?
Naw, you just wanted me to confirm your answers
Your fantasies
Your bullshit vision of what you thought
I was made of
Sugar and spice and
Naughty and nice and
Plumped full of little boys' toys
I'm full, all right.
Full of it.
Full of shit and stuffed with your hit and
The shockwaves are still crumbling this ledge
Clawed my way up here
After that first time
And the second and--
How many lives do kitty-cats get?
Broke off all my nails but this one
And a half
WHY.
So you can clap furiously
And ask curiously
And butt-sniff me seriously
Hoping I'll wink mysteriously but always keep my big trap shut?
I suppose I could keep climbing
It's not that far outta reach
You can't see me right now, but rest assured, that thought has inspired me to gesture wholly unsatisfactory male masturbation while sniggering like a twelve-year-old at the way my squeaky-chair squeaks in time with my lewd
Rude
Fist
Er-eee-er-eee-er-eee-er
😈 Highlight of my day. 😈
I'm so entertained by myself I don't notice
The ledge gives way
crumble
ZWOOP!
Down we plummet
My wise ass, my smart mouth, and me
I snap open my wings--
Stupid.
Just an animal reflex
Survival mechanism cranking open
Alas, all the feathers have gone to dust
My wing remnants crumble as they must
Forgotten comet streaming a long black tail
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Nothing but skeleton in winged guise
Fuck it.
I get myself turned around
Face down
Upside-frown
Leering clown
My wing-bones clatter shut
Do the Superman thing
Sleek
Aerodynamic
Ankles pressed tight
Twinkle-toes pointed
I am Neo
(but not neoly as cool, for I lack his black jacket and don't hack it that well)
I must be Anti-Neo
My bladed hands spear space
Picking up speed now
Glowing
Grinning
Growling
Gritting teeth
My fists clench at the last second
*BLAM*
Ask me later where I landed when the dust finally settles.
I still have no fucking clue.
---
I just dreamed that as I started to doze off.
I AM NEO: I created this playlist while lying on my dance studio floor because I couldn't walk for a week. Day after day I meditated to this playlist. Once I could hobble, I decided that fuck it, I was going to that retreat in Spain even if I had to do it in a wheelchair. (Which I did through the airports.) Even if they had to carry me down the mountain every day (which they had offered to do on the ATV.) Alas, the ATV broke, so two sisters helped me like crutches instead. Until I no longer needed help.
CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE
--UP NEXT: AFFIRMATIONS - A to Z - linking thought to movement
--OR if you like my poetry there's more of it HERE.